(Note: this page has been left up for historical purposes. We believe that the passing of the millennium without serious toilet paper-related incidents was due largely to our research and expose pressuring the toilet paper industry into bringing toilet paper into Y2K compliance, and we wish to document this significant achievment. Further, it is common knowledge that the Y2K problem was averted by storing dates with four-digit years. This means that the problem has not been solved, but merely delayed until January 1, 10000 when 5-digit years will be needed. We hope that this page will be instrumental in motivating the toilet paper industry to prepare for that date.)
Presumably you are aware of the Y2K bug, in which computer software may fail to correctly recognize the millennium, thus potentially ending Life As We Know It. But have you considered whether your toilet paper is Y2K compliant? We of the Virtual Toilet Paper Museum tackled this burning question which even the tackiest tabloids refused to touch. Here is our shocking report on what the toilet paper manufacturers don't want you to know.
We began by placing a roll of each brand of toilet paper on the dispenser
and setting the calendar to December 31, 1999. Predictably all of
the brands behaved properly, as shown in this picture.
Then we changed the calender to January 1, 2000. Nearly all of
the toilet paper proved unable to cope with the new date, exhibiting various
aberrant behaviors from refusing to unroll to exploding violently as in
this revealing photo:
Only one manufacturer guarantees its toilet paper to be Y2K compliant,
and that was the only brand to perform properly in our Y2K simulation:
The toilet paper industry has conducted its own tests, some with nearly
injurious results, as evidenced by this photo we obtained from a highly-placed
industry source. (Fortunately, none of the children in this picture
were harmed.) But what are they doing about it? Nothing!
Why? Because they want your toilet paper to go bad,
so that you'll have to buy more from them!
In closing, we would like to take this opportunity to remind you of
the importance of remembering toilet paper as you madly stockpile supplies
in anticipation of the coming Time of Darkness. After all, if civilization
ends, toilet paper is certain to become scarce or nonexistent, and we really
don't want you running out and raiding our facility; it is vital that we
retain our supply for ourselves - er - so that when civilization once again
claws its way out the Dark Age, it will have stores of previous knowledge
and technology to make the ascension as painless and rapid as possible.
So run right out there and start stocking up now, folks! And keep
in mind the results of our tests when you choose your brand!